The Anti-Google FAQ by Philipp Lenssen

FAQ d’Anti-Google

L’année 2006 s’approche de son extrémité inévitable, mais beaucoup de questions sans réponse demeurent – on espère répondre à  quelques unes dans cet Anti-FAQ.

Comment pourrai-je àªtre exclus de l’index Web de Google ?

Il y a plusieurs méthodes pour devenir hors del'index de Google « googleaxed. ».

Pour un résultat rapide, vous devriez utiliser un mélange de la tactique suivante:

  • Sur votre positionnement, créer les copies des pages et les lier entre elles ; ceci créera un contenu double
  • Employer un texte caché (par exemple  blanc-sur-blanc, ou quelque chose pareil et évident)
  • Inclure votre site dans un « mauvais voisinage » par un référencement spammeur. Pour trouver les annuaires spammy, chercher le mot « viagra », « warez », des « cialis », « guarantire du premier positionnement sur les moteurs de recherche » et d'utres mots-clés dans Google, et séléctionner le résultat #999 de votre recherché.
  • Employer les titres de page d’une longueur pas au-dessous de 500 caractères (et répéter un mot-clé spécifique au moins 5 fois dans votre titre)
  • Réorienter vos visiteurs à  différentes pages, mais ne pas réorienter le BOT de recherche de Google (les experts en matière d’un traitement appellent la « dissimulation – cloaking »)
  • Si vous avez fait tout cela mais vous n’obtenez toujours aucun résultat après un jour ou deux, veuillez entrer en contact avec quelques bloggeurs et leur demander d'inclure votre site. Veuiller en outre de rapporter votre site à  la forme du Spam de Google.

Comment est-ce que je peux m’assurer Google ignore mes demandes ?

Votre meilleur pari est de ne pas contacter Google :

Mon emplacement occupe la prmière position #1 pour beaucoup de requàªtes. Comment est-ce que je pourrai abaisser mon rang ?

Pour abaisser votre rang dans Google, vous devez se rappeler que le contenu est roi. Ainsi, votre premier but est de ne pas mettre à  jour votre contenu (jamais), et aussi, vous assurez vous seulement avoir un contenu faible et ennuyeux. Si vous ne savez pas assez de sujets ennuyeux, voici quelques suggestions :

  • Photographies de poteau des bidons de détritus
  • Blog au sujet de se tenir au milieu de la salle
  • Rendre compte des modèles de vol des abeilles (mais svp, rien révolutionnaire)
  • écrire une histoire illustrée de « Yo Momma ! » plaisanteries
  • Dire aux gens ce que vous avez pris pour le déjeuner aujourd’hui (ne pas sélectionner cette option si vous àªtes une célébrité)

… mais se rendre compte du fait que vous pourriez avoir accidentellement trébuché sur un « meganiche » !

Une fois que vous avez le contenu statique et inintéressant, vous devez toujours s’assurer que les gens ne lient pas à  toi, parce que si les backlinks du diable de Google alors sont l’aide du diable. Voici quelques stratégies pour vous obtenir ont commencé :

  • Demander à  d’autres le commerce de lien (employer le mot lien de « lien ou semblable marchand » et « réciproque » dans le sujet de courrier, et s’adresser à  votre destinataire de la manière la plus générale possible – un simple « bonjour » suffira)
  • Signaler votre URL dans des commentaires de blog, mais inclure une ligne comme « vous pourriez vouloir vérifier cet emplacement ».

J’ai un moment difficile dépensant tout mon revenu d’AdSense… ce qui à  faire ?

L’abaissement de vos revenus d’annonce peut àªtre rusé parce que l’algorithme de Google essayera tout pour créer plus haut cliquent-thrus, et cliquent-thrus toujours le résultat dans les revenus. Cependant, il y a quelques directives prouvées pour diminuer l’argent comptant d’AdSense :

  • Changer rigoureusement votre extrait de code d’AdSense ; si tout va bien ceci t’obtient grà¢ce interdite au TOS d’AdSense
  • Placer votre ADS o๠les visiteurs ne sont pas susceptibles de la voir. Habituellement, ce sera le fond màªme de votre blog. Employer un petit, bouton de texte-seulement après Jésus Christ.
  • Cliquer sur votre propre ADS. Quotidien. D’heure en heure. à€ plusieurs reprises.
  • Employer les couleurs des textes et de lien d’annonce qui se tiennent vraiment dehors sur votre emplacement ainsi les gens ne les confondent pas jamais avec le vrai contenu

Comment est-ce que je pourrai énerver les employés de Google ?

La manière la plus franche d'énerver les employés de Google est de rendre compte d’une fuite. Cependant, la conclusion d’une fuite n’est pas toujours facile à  faire (par exemple vous devez mettre la main sur les papiers ou le balayage de compagnie internes pour les subdomains et la substance), ainsi votre deuxième-meilleure option peut àªtre de répandre des rumeurs sur Google. Il y a des couples des légendes urbaines de tout-temps-favori dans les proximités de la recherche qui sont sûres de t’obtenir quelques diggs, et ainsi l’attention de la gestion de Google :

Je veux obtenir un cesser et renoncer de Google. Comment ?

C’est une bonne question – juste comment obligez-vous les avocats paresseux de Google à  soulever leur arrière d’avocat et à  obtenir que C&D a expédié ? Il n’y a aucune réponse définitive excepté « soit créateur, violent à  leurs conditions de service, » mais quelques approches sont connues pour fonctionner mieux que d’autres :

Je ne veux pas n’entendre aucune nouvelles au sujet du Google. Des idées sur la faà§on dont réaliser cela ?

Rester loin des suspects habituels (comme terre de Search Engine, instruments de Google, Searchblog, logiciel d’exploitation de Google, montre de Search Engine, Search Engine Roundtable, journal de Search Engine, Google visitant le pays, InsideGoogle, Digg, nouvelles de Google, SEO Blackhat, et ainsi de suite), et toutes les fois qu’il y a un jour de pression de Google, ne pas s’attaquer en ligne du tout.

Est-ce que j’un service frais de Web mais devenir un concurrent fort à  Google, que j’ont ne veulent pas font ?

Votre plan désiré d’affaires dépend beaucoup des détails de votre site Web. Qu’étant dit, vous pouvez toujours essayer ce qui suit :

  • concurrencer dans les outils de bureau de recherche ou de Web de secteurs (bilans, email, calendriers, etc.)
  • utiliser les outils à  la mode, comme AJAX, et leur faire le foyer de votre application
  • ne pas gaspiller l’argent sur louer un concepteur, ou l’expert en matière de rentabilité
  • faire votre communiqué de presse prétendre votre emplacement àªtre un « tueur de Google » (le pari le plus sûr vous n’àªtes pas)
  • créer un service qui est établi sur Google (par exemple en utilisant le Google api ou screenscraping des serveurs de Google), mais assez insignifiant pour que Google reproduise si ils les décident aiment votre idée.

Je déteste Google, que le site Web je lisent ?

Google est la connaissance, la connaissance est puissance, et la puissance corrompt. Montre de Google d’essai (mais éviter la montre de montre de Google de lecture, la montre de montre de montre de Google, ou la montre de montre de montre de montre de Google).

Ma société développe des gizmos ordonnés de Web mais nous avons peur que Google pourrait nous offrir des sommes d’argent comptant pour acheter notre équipe et/ou site Web. Comment établissons-nous un plan de défense ?

La résistance pour àªtre acquis par Google n’est aucun facile chargent une fois que Google mettait l’argent sur la table (Google est les riches tellement dégoûtants, ils achèterait màªme votre emplacement s’ils déjà  posséder quelque chose l’aiment). Toujours, il y a quelques approches bien-travaillantes que vous pouvez mettre en application dès l’abord pour empàªcher cela de se produire :

  • essayer d’àªtre tout à  tout le monde (par opposition à  un module maigre)
  • vous assurez vous résoudre des problèmes faciles seulement (par exemple avoir un outil de Web consacré à  créer une présentation Flash-basée d’image)
  • s’assurer que vous n’avez pas une communauté (éviter les communautés est un art en soi et mérite probablement un article de ses propres ; juste quelques bouts pour vous obtenir ont commencé – crier aux gens critiquant votre emplacement, et les éviter pouvant critiquer votre emplacement en premier lieu)

Ma campagne d’AdWords produit de trop de visiteurs… est là  quelque chose que je peux faire contre ceci ?

Unoptimizing AdWords, comme le contenu unoptimizing, est tout au sujet de choisir les mots faux. Jeter généralement un bon coup d’oeil à  votre campagne, mais ne pas mettre dessus les verres du « client » est-ce que (« que les gens veulent-ils de mon emplacement, quels articles appropriés peuvent je les offrir, et ce qui àªtre la manière le plus facilement comprise de communiquer ceci ?  »). Spécifiquement :

  • ne pas employer les mots de la question de recherche dans votre annonce d’AdWords (ceci les fait àªtre embolded, attirant une attention non désirée)
  • àªtre bavard
  • employer le vieux, plus compliqué anglais si possible (penser Shakespeare au lieu du Powerpoint)

Je n’aime pas comment la page d’accueil de Google est tout propre et concise. Comment est-ce que je peux abaisser la rentabilité de la page d’accueil de Google ?

Pour ajouter plus d’image de fond à  la page d’accueil de Google, essayer la page d’accueil personnalisée par Google (ceci également des aides quand Google charge trop rapide pour toi).

Je veux ruiner ma réputation en utilisant Google. Y a-t-il un modèle pour faire cela ?

Crucial à  ruiner votre réputation par l’utilisation de Google il est d’avoir un passé douteux avec un bon nombre d’endroits « privés » signalés par secrets vilains comme des newsgroup, conseils de Web, datant des emplacements, les salles de causerie qui permettent la notation et ainsi de suite (la signalisation des photos est facultative, mais aide à  accélérer ruiner votre réputation) – votre devise devraient àªtre les « ordinateurs oublient. » En outre, beaucoup d’élasticité d’entrevues tandis que vous àªtes encore jeune et expérimental, et mentionnent vos drogues préférées. Puis tout que vous pouvez faire est d’attendre une décennie ou deux et vous espérer ont un nom unique, aussi, ainsi votre futur google éventuel de bidon d’employeur facilement vous.

Je veux obtenir quelques traductions vraiment mauvaises de Google. à€ o๠vais-je ?

La visite juste la langue de Google usine la page.

Est-ce qu’est-il possible que je fasse à  accident de Google mon serveur ?

C’est dur, parce que vous ne pouvez pas compter sur le Googlebot rampant votre emplacement pour celui-là . Cependant, il y a un tour pour permettre Google réduisant votre serveur, et il a doublé la manoeuvre de logo de vacances de Google. Suivre simplement ces trois étapes :

  1. Noter une liste d’anniversaires prochains de célébrité
  2. Pour chaque célébrité, créer un site Web spécial, que vous googlebomb jusqu’au dessus des résultats de Web par des liens achetants des textes
  3. Attendre Google pour créer un logo spécial pour cette personne célèbre, le liant à  leurs résultats de recherche – et le voila, votre serveur descendra.

Comment I meilleur poursuivent-ils Google ?

La manière traditionnelle de poursuivre Google est d’àªtre un propriétaire content qui tout à  fait « n’obtient pas » l’utilisation juste. Une autre option est d’àªtre quelqu’un qui tout à  fait « n’obtient » rien du tout, vraiment.

Les résultats de Google ne montrent souvent pas assez de coups de Spam. Y a-t-il une manière d’entrer plus de Spam dans Google ?

Oui, en fait, il y a différentes manières d’augmenter le Spam de Google :

  • Rechercher dans les langues autres que l’anglais, comme le Franà§ais, Allemand, et ainsi de suite
  • Employer la recherche du blog de Google
  • Ajouter le mot « libre » quand vous recherchez quelque chose – par exemple les ringtones libres – et puis cliquez sur l’ADS au bon cà´té au lieu des résultats organiques

Si vous n’àªtes toujours pas satisfaits, pourquoi ne pas créer un couple des sites Web de Spam de vos propres ? Il n’est pas celui dur.

Je veux cesser l'utilisation et les outils de Google. Quoi faire ?

Au lieu de Gmail, courrier de Yahoo d’essai. Au lieu de la recherche de Web de Google, recherche de Web de Yahoo d’essai. Au lieu de Picasa, essayer Flickr. Au lieu de la vidéo de Google, essayer la vidéo de Yahoo. Bien, vous avez l’idée. Aller juste à  Yahoo.com. Ou si vous àªtes moins de hanche, essai MSN.

 

Source: Philipp Lenssen The Anti-Google FAQ

The year 2006 is nearing its inevitable end, but a lot of unanswered questions remain – I hope to answer some of them in this little Anti-FAQ.

How can I get banned from Google's web index?

There's a variety of methods to get “googleaxed.� For fastest results, you should employ a mixture of tactics:

  • On your site, create copies of pages and interlink them; this will create duplicate content
  • Use hidden text (e.g. a font tag causing white-on-white, or something similarly obvious)
  • Move your site into a “bad neighborhoodâ€? by linking to spam sites. To find spammy sites, search for “viagraâ€?, “warezâ€?, “cialisâ€?, “guaranteed #1 search engine rankingâ€? and related terms in Google, and pick search result #999.
  • Use page titles of a length not under 500 characters (and repeat a specific keyword at least 5 times in your title)
  • Redirect your visitors to different pages, but do not redirect the Google search bot (a treatment experts call “cloakingâ€?)
  • If you've done all that but you're still not getting any results after a day or two, make sure to contact some search bloggers and tell them about your site. Also make sure to report your site at Google's spam form.

How can I make sure Google ignores my requests?

Your best bet is to not contact Google:

My site occupies the #1 spot for many search queries. How can I lower my ranking?

To lower your ranking in Google, you need to remember that content is king. Thus, your first goal is to not update your content (ever), and also, make sure you only have boring content to begin with. If you do not know enough boring topics, here are some suggestions:

  • Post photographs of trash cans
  • Blog about standing in the middle of the room
  • Report on flying patterns of bees (but please, nothing revolutionary)
  • Write an illustrated history of “Yo Momma!â€? jokes
  • Tell people what you had for breakfast today (do not pick this option if you're a celebrity)

… but be aware of the fact you might have accidentally stumbled upon a “meganicheâ€?!

Once you have static and uninteresting content, you still need to make sure people don't link to you, because if Google's the devil then backlinks are the devil's helper. Here are some strategies to get you started:

  • Ask other people for link trading (use the word “link tradingâ€?, “reciprocal linkâ€? or similar in the mail subject, and address your recipient in the most general way possible – a simple “Hiâ€? will do)
  • Post your URL into blog comments, but include a line like “you might want to check out this siteâ€?.

I have a hard time spending all my AdSense income… what to do?

Lowering your ad revenues can be tricky because Google's algorithm will try everything to create higher click-thrus, and click-thrus always result in revenues. However, there are some proven guidelines for decreasing AdSense cash:

  • Drastically alter your AdSense code snippet; hopefully this gets you banned thanks to the AdSense ToS
  • Place your ads where visitors aren't likely to see them. Usually, this will be the very bottom of your blog. Use a small, text-only button ad.
  • Click on your own ads. Daily. Hourly. Repeatedly.
  • Use ad text and link colors which are truly standing out on your site so people don't ever confuse them with real content

How do I piss off Google employees?

The most straightforward way to piss off Google is to report on a leak. However, finding a leak isn't always easy to do (e.g. you have to get hold of internal company papers or scan for subdomains and stuff), so your second-best option may be to spread rumors on Google. There's a couple of all-time-favorite urban legends in the vicinities of search which are sure to get you some diggs, and thus the attention of Google management:

I want to get a Cease & Desist from Google. How?

That's a good question – just how do you get the lazy Google lawyers to lift their lawyer rear and get that C&D mailed? There's no definitive answer except “be creative, infringe on their terms of service,� but some approaches are known to work better than others:

  • Reproduce the Google logo on a search engine of your own, preferably one with the word “Googleâ€? somewhere in the domain name (or variants of this word, like “Boobleâ€?)
  • Abuse the Google Trademark.
  • Screen-scrape content off of Google's server (like the satellite imagery they paid $500 millions for)
  • Create an April Fool's site that looks an awful lot like a real Google page; do not use the words “parodyâ€? or similar on the page.

I don't want to hear any news about the Google. Any ideas on how to achieve that?

Stay away from the usual suspects (like Search Engine Land, Google Gadgets, Searchblog, Google Operating System, Search Engine Watch, Search Engine Roundtable, Search Engine Journal, Google Sightseeing, InsideGoogle, Digg, Google News, SEO Blackhat, and so on), and whenever there's a Google Press Day, don't go online at all.

I have a cool web service but don't want to become a strong competitor to Google, what do I do?

Your desired business plan depends a lot on the specifics of your web site. That being said, you can always try the following:

  • compete in the areas search or web office tools (spreadsheets, email, calendars, etc.)
  • use fashionable tools, like AJAX, and make them the focus of your application
  • don't waste money on hiring a designer, or usability expert
  • make your press release claim your site to be a “Google killerâ€? (the safest bet you aren't)
  • create a service which is built on top of Google (e.g. using the Google API or screenscraping from Google servers), but trivial enough for Google to reproduce should they decide they like your idea.

I hate Google, which website do I read?

Google is knowledge, knowledge is power, and power corrupts. Try Google Watch (but avoid reading Google Watch Watch, Google Watch Watch Watch, or Google Watch Watch Watch Watch).

My company is developing neat web gizmos but we're afraid Google might offer us loads of cash to buy our team and/ or web site. How do we build a defense plan?

Resisting to be acquired by Google is no easy task once Google put the money on the table (Google is so filthy rich, they'd even buy your site if they already own something like it). Still, there are some well-working approaches you can implement early on to prevent that from happening:

  • try to be everything to everybody (as opposed to a lean module)
  • make sure you solve easy problems only (e.g. have a web tool dedicated to creating a Flash-based image slideshow)
  • make sure you do not have a community (avoiding communities is an art in itself and probably deserves an article of its own; just some tips to get you started – shout at people criticizing your site, and avoid them being able to criticize your site in the first place)

My AdWords campaign is generating too many visitors… is there something I can do against this?

Unoptimizing AdWords, like unoptimizing content, is all about choosing the wrong words. In general, take a good look at your campaign, but do not put on the “customer's� glasses (“what do people want from my site, what relevant items can I offer them, and what will be the most easily understood way to communicate this?�). Specifically:

  • do not use words from the search query in your AdWords ad (this causes them to be embolded, attracting unwanted attention)
  • be verbose
  • use old, more complicated English if possible (think Shakespeare instead of Powerpoint)

I don't like how the Google homepage is all clean and uncluttered. How can I lower the Google homepage's usability?

To add more clutter to the Google homepage, try the Google personalized homepage (this also helps when Google loads too fast for you).

I want to ruin my reputation using Google. Is there a blueprint for doing so?

Crucial to ruining your reputation by the use of Google is to have a shady past with lots of naughty secrets posted to “private� places like newsgroups, web boards, dating sites, chat rooms which enable logging and so on (posting photos is optional, but does help speed up ruining your reputation) – your motto should be “computers forget.� Also, give a lot of interviews while you're still young and experimental, and mention your favorite drugs. Then all you can do is wait a decade or two and hope you have a unique name, too, so your prospective future employer can easily google you.

I want to get some really bad translations from Google. Where do I go to?

Just visit the Google language tools page.

Is it possible for me to make Google crash my server?

This is tough, because you can't rely on the Googlebot crawling your site for that one. However, there's a trick to enable Google bringing your server down, and it's dubbed the Google Holiday Logo Maneuver. Simply follow these three steps:

  1. Write down a list of upcoming celebrity birthdays
  2. For every celebrity, create a special website, which you'll googlebomb to the top of web results by buying text links
  3. Wait for Google to create a special logo for this famous person, linking it to their search results – and voila, your server will go down.

How do I best sue Google?

The traditional way of suing Google is to be a content owner who doesn't quite “get� fair use. Another option is to be someone who doesn't quite “get� anything at all, really.

Google results are often not showing enough spam hits. Is there a way to get more spam into Google?

Yes, in fact, there are different ways to increase Google spam:

  • Search in languages other than English, like French, German, and so on
  • Use Google's blog search
  • Add the word “freeâ€? when you're looking for something – e.g. free ringtones – and then click on the ads to the right side instead of the organic results

If you're still not satisfied, why not create a couple of spam websites of your own? It's not that hard.

I want to stop using Google's tools altogether. Where do I go?

Instead of Gmail, try Yahoo Mail. Instead of Google web search, try Yahoo web search. Instead of Picasa, try Flickr. Instead of Google Video, try Yahoo video. Well, you get the idea. Just go to Yahoo.com. Or if you're less hip, try MSN.

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